The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard

1 -Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything
outside ourselves will affect us.


2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.


3 - Half the people you know are below average.



4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.


5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.


6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.


7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.










8 - If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.










9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.










10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.










11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend ... but she left me before we met.










12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?










13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?










14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.










15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.










16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.










17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.










18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.










19 - I intend to live forever ... so far, so good.










20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?










21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.










22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?










23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."










24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?










25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.










26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.










27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.










28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.










29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.










30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.










31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.










32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.










33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.